I came into this Fellowship knowing that it's unlike any experience out there. I expected to learn an incredible amount from the 8 weeks in the field, and I did! But I did not expect that, nearly four months later, I would be continually gaining a new understanding of what I've learned, and discovering more about myself. At the Action Research with a Mission event, all the Fellows had the opportunity to share with friends, family, prospective applicants, and the larger SCU community the work we've done, and what GSBF means to us. I felt a bit out of place at first, displaying a poster that read, "THE TEAM," with a team of just one. That feeling quickly subsided when I joined all the other Fellows onstage, and shared in an exciting moment that celebrated everything we'd accomplished. I'm not going to pretend that it's been a walk in the park managing the biggest, most important project of my life thus far, with ambiguous guidelines and no partner to share the work with. But all my mentors at the Miller Center have gone out of their way to guide and encourage me along the way; and spending time with the other Fellows has given me the best support system of people who know exactly how difficult the work is, and who went through similar experiences. It was so wonderful to cheer them on at the event, and I'm inspired by each and every one of them in different ways. I feel like I've gained a new family. The Action Research with a Mission event was the first moment that I actually allowed myself to take a step back and celebrate completing all of my work. I typically have to move on straight away to the next project without taking any time to process the weight of the one I just completed, but it became clear that this mindset wouldn't work for GSBF. I keep coming back to the influence of the experiences this Fellowship brought me. I don't want all the lessons I've learned, all the knowledge I've gained, and all the personal growth I've experienced to slip away. But the experiences from this path I have chosen have already made their way into distinct changes in my life, and I don't think they could slip away even if I wasn't trying to embrace them. My core beliefs haven't necessarily changed; but my confidence in my ability to advance these values in my work and in the way that I live my life has grown deeply. Ever since I applied to Santa Clara I've had the drive and passion to use my education to help others. I was drawn to the Jesuit values of educating the whole person, and using your education not just for your own gain, but for advancing a more just world. I tried to picture what my college career would look like if my studies were geared towards the end goal of helping others, broadening my worldview and my perspective in the process. Never did I imagine that even before graduation, I would be able to embark on a transformative opportunity to apply my skills in the real world, adding value to a socially impactful organization. It's astounding to me. Studying social entrepreneurship in action has taught me a great deal about the nature of justice in this world. Justice always feels like the most difficult path...or so we're so often told. I remember having the impression that I could either work for a nonprofit and struggle to pay the bills, or for a corporation that pays well but sucks the life out of you. Obviously both of these descriptions are exaggerations, but still--I wasn't super excited about looking for work after graduation! Like most Americans, I had no idea there was an option in between -- social entrepreneurship, which, ideally, combines the best of both worlds: financial sustainability and social justice. Impact-first. Scalable. Systemic social change that breaks an unjust equilibrium completely. I learned that in order to pursue this depth of change, your efforts require constant adaptation and innovation. You have to think about continuously meeting people where they are in order to keep from stagnating your level of impact. I've seen the potential that social entrepreneurship has to achieve structural change on a global level. It's an incredible concept that is also extremely difficult to achieve and to foster in the United States. But what I learned from the "Innovation Workers" over in Baltimore is that it's worth it. It's worth it to wake up every day and keep going, no matter what challenges you face, no matter how frustrating that type of work can be. It's worth it to take the time and resources required to do it right. To start by listening, and asking the beneficiaries in the community what they want and need. To recognize the humanity in other people and to find opportunity where no one else is even bothering to look. Because when you see the impact of helping social entrepreneurs help other people, you know it's all worth it. (Hopefully my parents agree that this Fellowship makes the SCU tuition worth it!) It was an especially impactful opportunity for me, because as a double major in dance and political science with a minor in women's and gender studies (it's a mouthful, I know) I often feel pressure to justify my unique combination of majors to anyone who will listen. I already know the value of my courses of study; it's just typically been a challenge to convince anyone else who's not a performing artist, or who didn't study liberal arts, or who doesn't know me very well, that what I'm studying is important, and fosters applicable skills that have already served me well. One of the most powerful takeaways from those eight weeks was proving to myself that I can add significant value to a real-world organization. Not just as a hardworking team member, but as a person; and not in spite of my choice in majors, but because of it. My willingness to throw myself into my work, and put in the extra hours to get it done right, comes from dedicating so much of my time to artistic endeavors outside of the classroom. I'm used to devoting hours and hours to projects that I care about, and I'm used to other people depending on my dedication to make it happen, under pressure of performing in front of a live audience. Collaboration and teamwork is a crucial skill in the performing arts, one that has served me well in navigating all of the moving parts of my deliverables, and their corresponding mentors and coworkers. The diversity courses I've taken have prepared me to think analytically, take a broader worldview into account, and ask the hard questions that are necessary to improve the program I've been working so hard to modify. I'm not used to openly reflecting about my experiences as much as I have been doing for this Fellowship. It was close to a foreign concept to me, to be intentionally synthesizing the language to describe how my experiences have transformed my college experience and helped me grow as a person, and then to share what I found with others. When I think back on how I've grown in the past nine months, I can't leave out how much confidence I've gained. I traveled across the country as a junior consultant for a world-renowned social enterprise accelerator. I came out of it alive--and had an incredible time doing it! I see myself as a capable, independent, valued, hardworking person. This time last year, I felt alone and small. I didn't feel in control of my own life, and I was in a dark place emotionally and mentally. Simply writing out some of my strengths in the previous paragraph took a great deal of effort, because I'm used to downplaying my achievements. It's wild to think about how far I've come. I usually resign myself to never being able to explain the extent of how I've grown or what I've gained from transformative experiences like this one. I know I will continue to see how this Fellowship has affected me in the coming year, and I may never fully articulate how. But this blog has been a baby step towards that goal. One of my mentors emphasizes the importance of trusting yourself. Of remembering that when you graduate, you'll still be the same person -- with all of the same qualities and talents and good habits that got you here in the first place. And those qualities will serve you well on any path you pursue. I also learned that I'm way too young to be trying to plan out my entire life right now! Another mentor shared that when you choose a path to go down, it will close some doors. But it will also open so many other doors in the process; and if you're happy with the opportunities it opens up later on, then you will have made the right decision. There's no going back from here; but there's some comfort in that. There's some comfort in knowing that there might not be a "right" decision, because many different paths can open up doors that feel right to you, that you learn from and grow from...and these experiences will change you. I chose the Fellowship over pursuing other opportunities this summer, and I can't go back; I wouldn't want to, because I've grown and changed so much already. I can't wait to explore exactly what doors it has opened up for me. I may be saying good-bye to the official Fellowship, but it will continue to affect me in ways known and unknown. No matter what doors open next, I feel better prepared than I ever have to meet what's waiting on the other side with an open heart. I've learned that finding a sense of purpose in my work is extremely important to me, as is finding work that tangibly helps other people in an innovative manner. After spending eight weeks alone in an unfamiliar city with the excitement of my work as the main thing that kept me going during the weekdays, I also learned that an inspiring vocation is not the only important thing! So are relationships, family, and feeling connected to others, to something bigger than yourself. Artistic expression allows me to feel connected to something bigger than myself. Even though the Fellowship had nothing to do with art, it somehow reinforced the important roles that performing and visual art have in my life. I spent most of my free time this summer seeking out artistic endeavors, festivals, and exhibits. It feels fitting to end with a quotation from one of the most compelling and inspiring art exhibits I saw, from a featured artist at the National Museum of Women in the Arts in Washington, D.C. Her artistic mission statement speaks to me, and her sense of purpose with every sentence mirrors my purposeful drive at this stage of my life. Lastly, thank you to everyone who has supported me over the past nine months, in ways both large and small. To my mentors, professors, Innovation Workers, family, friends, and fellow Fellows, I could not have done this without you. Why Do I Make Art?
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